Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Its My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To

So DD had a blast at her birthday- until the mascot arrived - then it was drama city. She completely freaked and clung to me and insisted Uncle Vicks chase it away. Which he did but the blasted thing kept coming back thinking it could win her over. WRONG. DD doesnt get won over by purple coloured burgerlookalikes with earphones on - quite frankly neither do I. I mean if you're going to have a mascot make it lah cuddly and cute - not scary and evil looking...and what is with the earphones??
But having said that some of the kids at the party loved the mascot - my nephew repeatedly hugged it to prove the point. So yes DD picker-upper of gross vermin and slithery creatures quails in the face of warm and cuddly mascot. Whats more it spoilt the cutting cake moment as all the shots we have of her are of her with a manic smile aimed at the camera but her eyeballs placed firmly to the left keeping an eye on the purple monster to see if it was coming back.

But she had fun on the whole and enjoyed the dance-y music - at one point while dancing a look of terror crossed her face and she looked at me, "Mumma my nappy's falling down", Aki (6yr old little boy full of bravado) trying to come to her rescue asked "Whats the problem DD?" She said "My nappy's fallin down", Aki backing away horrified "Uh Oh I cant handle nappy situations you gotta ask your mumma to help" - yeah yeah its always mumma innit...what about calling dad once in a while.

CNY seemed very quiet this year - other than the blasted Dragon dances which seemed to go on at every floor of our condo. I hope its chased away all the evil spirits and hobgoblins etc. coz it sure was loud enough to make me poop in my pants. The Year of the Boar is supposed to be of mixed fortune this year as it combines the water and fire elements which causes conflict. But those born in the Year of Boar are supposed to be happy, honest, trustworthy people full of courage and integrity and apparently having kids in the Year of the Boar is very fortunate...so get to it people - procreate!

Had the most delicsh tom yam goong at Basil (BangsarVillage) and excellent Sarawak Laksa at Laksa Shack at Midvalley, yes a soupy weekend for me and mine - diet be damned.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

The One Where I Got A Toddler

Three years ago today I was the size of beached whale - no, make that a pregnant-with-twins beached whale and desperate for the parasite living in my tummy to be out. Much as I feared labour (when I say fear I mean sheer whitecold terror) - the idea of one more day waddling around carrying my 20 kilo protrusion was too much to bear. Fast forward 3 years and there are times I wish I could shove DD back in there if only for the peace and quiet it would afford - aah the quiet.... almost forgotten what it was like pre-child.

DD turns 3 tomorrow - and we having a party at McDonalds B-sar, the theme is ladybirds so everything from the invites to the napkins, to paper plates are ladybird themed. Dont ask why - DD is into bugs of every kind - she can pick up lizards without flinching and dangle them in my face with a "LOOK MUMMA - ITS A LIZARD" - erm yes dear but get it out of my eyeball, its licking my eyelashes. She chased a cockroach the other day assisting us in gettin rid of it but when we whacked it - repeatedly - she was close to tears saying "we supposed to CHASE it only mumma...dont beat it". Yup my luck I get the daughter who's a wildlife and pestilence fan.

DD's 3 year report:-

a.Hugs still doled out very grudgingly and that too only if we beg, weep and/or bribe. She squirms to get away from our cuddles with an admonition of "ENnough mumma/acha go away" which could damage more fragile egos than that of her father and me.
b.Loves ordering everyone about and telling them off - and has to be told constantly to use her nice voice - then she becomes sarcastically sweet. Her facial expressions crack us up especially the wide eyes and eyebrows pushed straight up to the hairline when she wants to make something seem more more-ish than it really is.
c.Still awakes at 3.30am yelling for milk and will not wait for more than a millisecond for a response of some sort before the decibel levels go up 100-fold - patience zero my little missy.
d. She often cries so much she pukes (especially when she doesnt want to sleep) so we keep a bucket nearby - the other day after puking out the contents of her dinner she looked over at me having a coughing fit and said "If you want to vomit you can share my bucket mumma". Makes it all worthwhile doesnt it.

She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough & ready years
Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is - SHE.
- Elvis Costello

She is in turns delightful, dramatic, dazzling, defiant, dodgy and devious. She has turned our lives upside down, she has totally made us focus on what is important - HER. But good god do I ever recommend having kids - its the best. Happy 3rd Birthday Munchkin - Love Mumma.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Me and Valentino

14th Feb 1985, Cheltenham UK

Me 15 yrs, with a bog brush hairdo, a monobrow and legs that had never seen an epilady and yet convinced I was the coolest thing since Sheena Easton. In my trembling clammy hand an anonymous valentine card. Convinced it was from a guy named David who I thought was hunk-a-licious, I made cow eyes at him for the first 4 periods of the day. At lunch I was with my girlfriends and he came over and sat next to me ! I cannot explain the feeling of wanting to pee in my pants, my heart trying to leap out of my eyeballs and my stomach doing the cucaracha all at the same time - but thats what I felt. Then he leaned over and said "Colin sent you a valentine's card and he asks me to ask you to meet him at the music rooms after lunch". Colin? 115 pound, pimply, white the colour of kurau flesh, teeth all over the place dork and I mean DORK. End Result - HUUuumiliation. Needless to say I went no where near the music rooms that day.

14th Feb 1993, Perth Australia

Me 23 yrs - decidedly improved from the last scene - well at least I'd lost the bog brush hairdo. sitting at my desk in a law firm. Huge bouquet of flowers on my desk with a note stating "I'm smitten" - not signed. I didnt need to guess who it was from, his wife was on the phone with me accusing me of all sorts of stuff. She was completely wrong of course and I wanted to laugh but thought she might come over and rip my head open so I tried to soothe her. Told her it wasnt me her husband (our senior partner who looked like George Clooney) was after it was another lawyer - at least that was what the office gossip said. Got off the phone with her - marched into his office and handed him back his bouquet and said coldly "I think this came to me by mistake". He said "No it didnt". End Result:- Shock.

14th Feb 2002 - Petaling Jaya

Me - 32 yrs - just back from our honeymoon, legs having been epiladied within an inch of its life and sporting 2 eyebrows. Looking at DH over a candlelit dinner as he mumbled away about something. Then he said "I Love You", I said "Me Too". End Result - Mind numbing joy.

Happy Valentines All -- remember very little is needed to make a happy life.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Words

Me-"Why are you shouting?"
DD-"Because I want you to hear me"
Me-"I can hear you better when you speak quietly with your nice voice"
DD-"But I like shouting mumma coz you look at me faster"......

Best penang fried kuay teow in town? At a medan selera type thing called Ming Nien in Taman Mayang....so delish, and the wet popiah is excellent too. You can also get 25 different types of ice kacang-y type desserts - my fav being the one with durian flesh decorated all over the shaved ice - warning ! diets must be left at entrance. DH introduced me to this place when we were a-dating and we have been regulars ever since...its not fancy but its cheapandyummy. Only down side is you have cambodian/vietnamese type waiters who CANNOT.STOP.STARING.AT.YOUR.BOOBS. when you are trying to place your drink order (maybe they are still getting to grips with malay/english and are looking south for some sort of illumination). Thankfully food orders are placed directly at the particular stalls.

The life of an in-house counsel is one filled with irritation - especially from end-users (ie rest of the company) who subscribe to the "anything which has words in it is the purview of the lawyers". I asked an end user to prepare a Scope of Work/Deliverables attachment for a contract I'm preparing for him. The answer - "do you want that in words?" - no in smoke signals......git.

And I hate it when user groups accost me (especially when I'm dashing to the loo) and ask - "so how's the contract?" !!!!!
A. which contract? there is more than just one contract on my table B. its fine, vital stats are good and its in the pink of health - discharge date soon....now can I go wee.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Mera Dhil

DD has decided to write hindi movie scripts when she grows up - evidence? when I tried to extricate myself from her sweaty paws this morning to trundle off to work she said
"I want you to stay with me mumma"
Me -"But I cant be with you all the time munchikin"
DD - " but why not? I love you so much mumma".....aaaawwww yes hindi movie emotional scene right in my bedroom folks.
Bet at 13 she'll be shoving me out the door muttering "get the hell out quickly woman cant you see I have loads of dodgy suspect stuff to do before you return from work" - or as a friend of mine said at 13 all you'll hear from them is the sound of their doors slamming shut no matter what the question was from your end. I hear my dad hooting......revenge-dish best served cold - yup a doodle doo.

What is with the traffic these days lah? Any time of the day also got jam one - its getting to be a real pain. Wasnt it in Bangkok that motorists developed piles from sitting too long in jams? KL-ites cant be too far away. Soon when we rock up to get our road tax renewed we'll be given a free tube of piles ointment as standard issue.

Heard about Anna Nicole Smith's death - rumour has it that with her son and now her out of the way - who stands to gain the fortune she is supposed to be getting from her first marriage to that walking corpse billionare ? Her new husband and lawyer - makes you think.

Had to share this - NAMASTE (the greeting Indians give upon meeting someone) - means "the divine in me acknowledges and recognizes the divine in you" - how great is that ! Conveys humility, respect, tolerance and pleasure in one word - beats "hello" flat.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Pan Asians

"Information minister's call for reducing the number of Pan-Asian looking models in TV Commercials met with consternation from pan asian models" - You Dont Say. Please lah who is the info minister trying to kid, its an accepted fact that Malaysians in general think anything with a smidgen of mat salleh is superior to the hard-core original non-diluted version of any race. We can only blame our own racist tendencies for the proliferation of pan-asian models so its a bit much for clueless Info Minister to want to cut back as it were...its not the Pan-Asians fault that the public in general falls over themselves to get at the Pan Asian version - but on the other hand its a bit weird how every single pan-asian I know veers towards modelling...you dont see pan-asians beavering away at the bank/call centres/courts/hospitals etc. do you? How many pan-asian doctors do you know?

Ok I know we all say that the last thing we want to turn into is our mothers - especially when we are growing up and everything mum does appears wrong, wrong, wrong to our hormone addled brains. Well isnt it funny how the minute they hand you your first-born at the hospital you morph into - YOUR MUM. Happened to me for sure - I am now officially a clone of my mum...weird part is - I'm okay with that. Hey the woman did a damn good job raising me and if I can do the same with DD - I'm home free ! Now there's a statement I'd never have thought I'd make a couple of years ago - but its true, why? because I said so - and I'm your mother - (ok not literally but you get what I mean).

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Two Sides To Every Coin

Justin Timberlake -highly overrated, not handsome, songs so so , performance blah....why all the hype. Add to that he seems to have a mother fixation and keeps dating women older than him - Cameron and now Alyssa Milano apparently - he should go back to Britney...they suited each other - mediocre teeny boppers but I guess he's not going to want to take over another man's kiddos.

What's with the War Crimes expo going on/about to go on at the PWTC? Do we need to attract unwanted attention from the US?? I think not. Just because some of the Arab countries are pumping in money into M'sia right now (think Al-R..... Bank/KFH) isnt an excuse to come over all holier than thou. War Crimes - US guilty? Most probably. Iran/Iraq guilty? Most probably. If you're going to present an expo on war crimes - try lah make it objective ....too much to ask I guess in M's..a.

DD was talking to herself yesterday and I murmured "I see", "OK" "And then?" while getting ready for bed...and she said "No no mumma dont answer me, I'm not talking to you - I'm just talking to myself" ! She has injured her leg yet again and of course the mandatory poo-bear plaster has been applied with much fussing and kissing of the offending injury - she is limping but only as when extra sympathy is needed - the limp miraculously disappears when something interesting catches her eye - then she's off like a bullet to investigate - selective limping going on with DD.

Am reading a book called Little Children by Tom Perrotta (movie is out at the moment)...quite a reflective read for all you with kids and husbands who are wondering what happened to their position as numero uno in their wife's affections. The book highlights various concerns pertinent to middle class families and our fears and hopes (bit of adultery and suspected pedophilia thrown in)...makes for good reading if not a little depressing at times.

Was having a conversation with a friend which led me to thinking how many of us can truly accept criticism from others - be it constructive or otherwise. No matter how mature/grown up we think we are I'm sure we can all safely admit that criticism sucks - BIG TIME - but a quote comes to mind - "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing - Elbert Hubbard" I mention this only because we are always going to have some smart arse tell us how to lead our lives but we cant get too hung up on what others say - or else we'd end up doing nothing, saying nothing and being nothing....which would leave you with? - yup a big fat zero life.
So make like the duck - and let it roll of your back - and get back in the pond and paddle like crazy - and dont forget to quack loudly and joyously - even if you are just swimming in circles...arent we all?

Monday, February 5, 2007

Thumbprints

Technology - I can take it or leave it. I know its marvellous and it allows us to do untold things which we never dreamed possible a mere 1/2/5/10 years ago - but me? I can take it or leave it. Took mum to the EPF Gasing office this morning and Ms. Counter Lady produced the zippy computerised thumb print identifier gizmo with much flourish only to spend the next 15 minutes pummeling mum's thumbs this way and that trying to get a decent print on the computer. Eventually she gave up of course and produced a form stamped "Plan B" (I kid you not) and proceeded to get out the trusty ole inkpad and tissue and produced 2 excellent thumbprints from mum...goes to show - if it aint broke....

Why is it so impossible to get good mangosteens in this country - when our forefathers have been snacking on mangosteens by the gunny-full for centuries? Because the Japs are buying it up by the shiploads due to the antioxidant effects of this humble fruit. Yup they plundered pillaged and razed our country not so long ago and we now hand them our Grade A mangosteens and we the citizens of this country get to enjoy the Grade C mangosteens -how can like that one.... Grade B I hear you query? Those go to the Singaporeans.......go figure.

Darling Daugther (DD) has told her teacher she has a baby brother who is in hospital ! When asked why non-existant baby bro is in hospital she looked at her teacher and said "that's where all babies come from coz the mumma has to go there to get her tummy cut open and get the baby out" ! She's not three yet.....crumbs. Thankfully she's happy to let said baby bro live permanently in the hospital - so I dont actually have to produce one for her - yet. She insists we use the prefix Dr. when addressing her as she's going to be a doctor when she grows up so that she can "cuuttttt up people" - bit worrying the glee with which she says "cut" though.

Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan - that's a nice couple. Saw a pic of them going to some premiere and she really is very elegant. Read somewhere that there's a rumour that she and Princess Diana share a dad ie Di's mum had it off with Jemima's dad on the sly at some point and thus they are really half sisters..interesting. But am not surprised at all she couldnt hack it with Imran - life in Pakistan would have been a total shock to the system when you're a London high-society girl-y gadding about and enjoying the high life. Change of culture/religion and environment...surprised she lasted 9 years with him - good for her. But am wondering if the reason she's not marrying Hugh is because she converted to Islam to marry Imran and is still a muslim as in Islam you cant convert back - so if she were to marry Hugh - ole Hughie would have to sign-up to Islam - not something I can see Hugh "partyboy" Grant doing in a great hurry.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Anniversaire

Dear Husband (DH) and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary last Thursday (Feb 1st) - or as DH puts it 11 years together 5 of them legal ( I really dont know what he means...). Its been a fun ride so far and I'm more convinced than ever I made the right choice. We've grown so much as a couple. Funny thing is people say relationships evolve over the years and you gain a deeper understanding of your partner etc - but at the same time so much of who we are is still the same now as it was back in 1996 when we first met - which proves the point that thinking you're going to change your beloved once you marry him/her is a big fallacy and we save ourselves a lot of grief if we reconcile ourselves to accept our partners warts, big tummies and all from the beginning - or in the words of Paul Dureon "I do not put you on a pedestal or stand. I recognize you must have flaws. I just dont see them"....love it. But am still working on DH's tummy - somethings need to be nagged at and picked over like a dog with a bone (my forte).

Anyway we celebrated at The Social in Telawi 3 - superb food - I had a marinara aglio olio (sounds a bit like the chorus from some cuban musical) and DH had a lamb shank so large it cant have possibly come from a lamb - maybe a mutant lamb. Divine food and the starter of thai-style baby crab was to die for - prices very reasonable (for Bangsar that is). The drinks (cocktails for both of us) was a bit watered down but the food was brill.

So McCurry Restaurant (KL) Sdn Bhd is not allowed to use the prefix Mc as the prefix Mc is the sole and exclusive right of McDonalds Corporation - what toss. As if any sane person would ever mistake good ole fish curry and chicken peretal and hot rasam for the swill served at McDonalds. Trade Mark laws aside where's the deception or passing off etc? Big corporations and their anti-competitve spirit highlights how threatened they are by some healthy competition...why the fear? If you're a multinational giant how on earth does it hurt you if some little ole indian uncle in Jalan Ipoh KL decides (with tongue firmly in cheek) to set up a curry house with the name McCurry? - pathetic.

Its Abhishek Bachan's birthday today ! Happy Happy Abhi! Made more so happy by the fact that he's about to be hitched to Aishwarya - enough to put a smile on any man's face I guess. When asked whether he would allow her to continue acting after marriage ( this question could only have come from an Indian interviewer) he quite rightly said "its entirely up to her, her career is her own concern"....way to go Abhi - daddy obviously brought you up right - "allow her" indeed .....BAH !

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Sport

Scientists at the Australian National University say that left handed people have an advantage when playing sport. This is because information is transfered more quickly across left and right hemispheres of the brain and a lefty is better at processing info across the 2 sides of the brain and they both sides of their brain to process information more effeciently than righties.

Find this hard to believe - especially the bit about sport as I am left handed and the most unco-ordinated reject when it comes to any form of sport. I'm the one in long-jump who never got into the sandpit despite an impressive run-up and leaping off the wooden bar thingy, who in volley ball when it came to my turn to serve would have my hand going in one direction and the ball falling by the way-side. Hockey always involved me swinging wildly at the ball and knee-capping fellow players while the ball dribbled merrily away. Basically I was the kid no one picked when it came to choosing teams - even loyal friends would look apologetically at me while picking someone else. Me and another fat kid would always be the last ones left and they'd still pick the fat kid over me - no offence to fat kids I did my time as one too.
From those sporting experiences I learnt to develop a thick skin and cultivate thoughts along the "sod you lah - I know I'm brilliant" vein which has served me well in all other aspects of my life since then ! Sports ? Character Forming? - I'd say.

Dont know if anyone has been following the Celebrity Big Brother Shilpa Shetty furore in the UK with shocking revelations about Jade Goody being racist. Why the shock? Jade's an uneducated, classless tart who's mother is no better - surely racism is expected. Racism in all its forms inevitably stems from ignorance and lack of education - what is shocking is that this kind of show is allowed to run especially in UK where racial tension is already at breaking point. The Big Brother phenomenon (in Australia and the UK) is quite remarkble and says more about us as a society than the actual participants - its complete drivel and its hard to believe there are people who voluntarily choose to watch this crap - isnt there some saying along the lines of people ultimately get what they deserve? Quite a damning indictment on the UK as a whole if a racist crass tart like Jade Goody is what the UK deserves.