We got a fish for DD a couple of months ago -she named it Stingo (she pronounces it StinGO) but DH (predictably) suggested Nemo - so Nemo stuck. Nemo's still alive despite DD's non-commital feeding methods and loud knocking on the side of the bowl yelling "NEMO NEMO ITS ME DD - WAKE UP NEMO", Nemo's probably quietly gone potty and is in need of psychiatric care about now - but we'll never know coz he just keeps swimming round and round the damn bowl.
This is all part of DH's efforts to build up a pet repertoire to the ultimate parasite organism - a DOG ! The man will stop at nothing to get a canine in our house, my only saving grace at the moment is that we live in a condo and pets are banned.Before I go any further if you are a dog lover then offend not thy precious sensibilites and stop reading this post now. I dont have anything against DOGS! - I mean I love the Kleenex puppy as much as the next person - but an actual DOG! in our house? salivating, shedding, licking, exuding dog-fumes - I mean give me a break we already have a kid what do we need a DOG! for? I know there's a common understanding that a person who doesnt like DOGS! is not to be trusted, but trust me I'm perfectly normal and quite likeable and I dont like DOGS! - so sue me.
DH has got the little toe-rag on board as well on this and both of them are bleating away at me for a DOG! DOG! DOG!, DH even claiming the condo authorities (ie the sikh guard uncle and the malay grandpa guard) wont know we have a DOG! coz DD makes so much noise no one would hear a barking DOG!. Lets face it, I am not getting a DOG! so we need to put the gin bottle down and be practical. Further since I gave DH a child and have the scars to prove it - I think my word counts on this - NO DOG! ........wonder how much longer I can ride on those c-section scars.
DD has decided to turn into a tell-tale tit this week - is it developmental? or just another annoying inherent characteristic of my beloved offspring? She spends her time scampering from one person to the other telling on each of us with a sanctimonious tone and a holier than thou' expression. I told her not to tell tales and that nobody likes a tell-tale she looked at me and said " I dont like nobody - I want to beat nobody". There's that then.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Ode to Friends
The thing with friends is that they are reflections of ourselves arent they? At every point in my life my friends have been the icing on the cake, the sambal on the nasi, the gulab in the gulab jamun - I cant imagine how depressing life would be without them.
I dont mean the passing acquaintances whom you just say hi to and to whom you wouldnt dream of confiding the colour of your underwear to....(not that I often update my friends as to the state and colour of my undergarments - ok so maybe sometimes I do but not often) I mean those true blue die-hard friends who see you through all the crap - including your crap and are still there for you even if they sometimes want to slap you around the head for the level of crap you emanate....those are the friends I'm talking about.
I have a handful of these friends...they are all different but share one trait - they are absolutely the best, funniest, genuine people you'd have the privilege of knowing. We often never thank people who we appreciate until its too late or worse we tell X how great Y is never thinking to tell Y to her face. I'd always thought this was daft... so I intend to redress this - in writing - so you guys (and you'll know who you are by the initials) here goes.
PK you have the best smile and the biggest heart - you make me want to be a better person. The image of you explaining how to take blokes to another level in terms of a certain something over my office desk will always remain etched/seared in my brain. Your willingness to talk about anything and everything while adding your dose of common sense has been invaluable. You bring out the best in me and I trust you implicitly.
SY you are my twin of course - sadly for you. Your humour kills me - as does my own when I'm with you. You have shown me that nothing bad can get to you as long as you have a friend who empathises with you and is willing to slay the dragons for you. I admire your strength, determination and sheer bloody unwillingness to take no for an answer. You inspire me and the best compliment I can pay you is I hope your goddaughter turns out exactly like you.
SN you have overcome all obstacles in your path with such stoicism and guts and I couldnt be happier for how great your life is right now. You understand me implicitly and I'll never forget your practical ceylonese good sense during the times I needed it. Your loyalty is unparalleled and when you say "I'll be there for you" you truly mean it - you've never let me down.
SK you are always going to be the older sister I never had. You are the most non-judgemental person I know and the most patient - I'm often reminded how lacking I am in both departments when I'm with you. You have taught me so much - including how to colour code undies and keep shoes in felt bags (invaluable trust me) amongst other things. Your children are a true reflection of you and what great little people they are.
GY your generosity of spirit and willingness to help has always been appreciated. I take back what I said about you not being suited for motherhood -no one could be better suited to being a mother than you - you are a nurturer in the best possible sense of the word.
Superwomanwannabe when you and I get together and ham it up no bogeyman can get us. You are a living example of how not to take life too seriously - I am in awe of your good nature. We have chatted/hooted our way through uni, marriage, kids - I cant wait to hoot our way thru the rest of this crazy journey - thanks for the laughs.
An astrologer once told me my wealth lies in my friends - and thats about the only thing he said that was spot on correct.
Thanks ladies - be blessed.
I dont mean the passing acquaintances whom you just say hi to and to whom you wouldnt dream of confiding the colour of your underwear to....(not that I often update my friends as to the state and colour of my undergarments - ok so maybe sometimes I do but not often) I mean those true blue die-hard friends who see you through all the crap - including your crap and are still there for you even if they sometimes want to slap you around the head for the level of crap you emanate....those are the friends I'm talking about.
I have a handful of these friends...they are all different but share one trait - they are absolutely the best, funniest, genuine people you'd have the privilege of knowing. We often never thank people who we appreciate until its too late or worse we tell X how great Y is never thinking to tell Y to her face. I'd always thought this was daft... so I intend to redress this - in writing - so you guys (and you'll know who you are by the initials) here goes.
PK you have the best smile and the biggest heart - you make me want to be a better person. The image of you explaining how to take blokes to another level in terms of a certain something over my office desk will always remain etched/seared in my brain. Your willingness to talk about anything and everything while adding your dose of common sense has been invaluable. You bring out the best in me and I trust you implicitly.
SY you are my twin of course - sadly for you. Your humour kills me - as does my own when I'm with you. You have shown me that nothing bad can get to you as long as you have a friend who empathises with you and is willing to slay the dragons for you. I admire your strength, determination and sheer bloody unwillingness to take no for an answer. You inspire me and the best compliment I can pay you is I hope your goddaughter turns out exactly like you.
SN you have overcome all obstacles in your path with such stoicism and guts and I couldnt be happier for how great your life is right now. You understand me implicitly and I'll never forget your practical ceylonese good sense during the times I needed it. Your loyalty is unparalleled and when you say "I'll be there for you" you truly mean it - you've never let me down.
SK you are always going to be the older sister I never had. You are the most non-judgemental person I know and the most patient - I'm often reminded how lacking I am in both departments when I'm with you. You have taught me so much - including how to colour code undies and keep shoes in felt bags (invaluable trust me) amongst other things. Your children are a true reflection of you and what great little people they are.
GY your generosity of spirit and willingness to help has always been appreciated. I take back what I said about you not being suited for motherhood -no one could be better suited to being a mother than you - you are a nurturer in the best possible sense of the word.
Superwomanwannabe when you and I get together and ham it up no bogeyman can get us. You are a living example of how not to take life too seriously - I am in awe of your good nature. We have chatted/hooted our way through uni, marriage, kids - I cant wait to hoot our way thru the rest of this crazy journey - thanks for the laughs.
An astrologer once told me my wealth lies in my friends - and thats about the only thing he said that was spot on correct.
Thanks ladies - be blessed.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Actually - Love Lah
If you had to explain to someone what love is - what would you say?
Prior to getting hitched I used to think that love meant being on the same wavelength, good-looks, sex appeal, understanding, humour, good-looks, sex appeal - oh wait did I already mention good looks, sex appeal....
After 5 years of marriage this is what I've discovered love is.
LOVE IS knowing how to fix the leaking toilet with tools when the bathroom starts to resemble a smelly swimming pool with suspect bits floating around.
LOVE IS having a tool box and knowing how to use it when wife is running around the house like a headless chicken and yelling that the house is falling down.
LOVE IS being able to mix different paints to get the exact same colour your wife saw of a picture of a girl's bedroom in some obscure mat salleh magazine and wants it in her girl's bedroom at home - exactly.
LOVE IS the willingness to queue up and submit your wife's extremely late EA form and endure the snide "eh eh dah sebulan lambat lah bang" from the makcik officer at the income tax department.
LOVE IS the knowledge that wife is probably going to turn out like her mum and being brave enough not to run away screaming.
LOVE IS rescuing yet another plant wife is about to kill with her green thumb and agreeing to buy plants at all given the plant murderer that wife is.
LOVE IS staying calm no matter what hysterical crap your wife throws at you even if she's insisting her hysterical crap is absolutely A1 correct.
LOVE IS making sure the car is checked, cleaned, filled up, tuned, rubbed down, hugged etc. when all your wife knows how to do is "get in the car and drive".
LOVE IS going the extra mile so that wife does not have to - coz wife is hysterical loon as mentioned earlier and needs life kept to manageable sizes otherwise she self combusts.
LOVE IS treating wife's relatives with kindness and warmth even when wife wants to fling sharp objects at wife's relatives.
LOVE IS always making wife see the big picture, take the high road, not to be petty and reminding her to make like Jesus and turn the other cheek - wife needs constant reminding.
LOVE IS - YOU sayang. Thanks for staying the course.
Prior to getting hitched I used to think that love meant being on the same wavelength, good-looks, sex appeal, understanding, humour, good-looks, sex appeal - oh wait did I already mention good looks, sex appeal....
After 5 years of marriage this is what I've discovered love is.
LOVE IS knowing how to fix the leaking toilet with tools when the bathroom starts to resemble a smelly swimming pool with suspect bits floating around.
LOVE IS having a tool box and knowing how to use it when wife is running around the house like a headless chicken and yelling that the house is falling down.
LOVE IS being able to mix different paints to get the exact same colour your wife saw of a picture of a girl's bedroom in some obscure mat salleh magazine and wants it in her girl's bedroom at home - exactly.
LOVE IS the willingness to queue up and submit your wife's extremely late EA form and endure the snide "eh eh dah sebulan lambat lah bang" from the makcik officer at the income tax department.
LOVE IS the knowledge that wife is probably going to turn out like her mum and being brave enough not to run away screaming.
LOVE IS rescuing yet another plant wife is about to kill with her green thumb and agreeing to buy plants at all given the plant murderer that wife is.
LOVE IS staying calm no matter what hysterical crap your wife throws at you even if she's insisting her hysterical crap is absolutely A1 correct.
LOVE IS making sure the car is checked, cleaned, filled up, tuned, rubbed down, hugged etc. when all your wife knows how to do is "get in the car and drive".
LOVE IS going the extra mile so that wife does not have to - coz wife is hysterical loon as mentioned earlier and needs life kept to manageable sizes otherwise she self combusts.
LOVE IS treating wife's relatives with kindness and warmth even when wife wants to fling sharp objects at wife's relatives.
LOVE IS always making wife see the big picture, take the high road, not to be petty and reminding her to make like Jesus and turn the other cheek - wife needs constant reminding.
LOVE IS - YOU sayang. Thanks for staying the course.
Pimple Fairy
DD: Aunty you dont have any pimples at all on your face.
Aunty: I know.
DD: Mumma has sooo many she can give you some if you want.
Aunty: Errr thanks.
DD: Mumma ! Give Aunty some pimples - you have so many on your face
Me: Shut up. (just kidding! I dont say shut up to DD..... I just bash her over the
head every now and then and throw her in the path of moving traffic)
DD's preschool this year has insisted that mums not come into the class with kids - but we have not been adhering to this rule strictly due to the Screaming of the Screamness that is the Screaming from the little-uns, erm did I mention the screaming? Last week the teacher - Mrs V - had enough and with a look she reserves for the most recalcitrant 3 year olds firmly ushered all the mums out of the classroom and locked the door. Good God the pandemonium ! bodies being flung forcibly against the locked door in a bid to escape one way or the other, screaming, yelling, pounding and vomiting (yes vomit provided courtesy of DD) which Mrs V. caught in her hand - good catch Mrs. V.
After about 15 minutes things quietened down and 1 1/2 hours later the kids trooped out smiling assuring their mums they loved school ! Its as if she put a spell on them - YAY Mrs. V. - Mrs V. looked like she'd been dragged through quicksand backwards and in need of a stiff drink though. Am sure the whole drama will start again this Sat. but at least we're making inroads people. Never mind the fact that all the mums sat huddled together and we practically had nervous breakdowns trying to figure who's screams belonged to which child.
But DD has told the whole world that she "went to school by my own-self" and is soo proud of her achivement. I am just relieved that she is now ready to grow beyond being a growth-on-my-body and cut the umbilical cord that makes her want to jump back in my tummy if she could and hopefully be ready for proper everyday preschool. We'll probably send her in June - get rid of the little monster for 4 hours a day - JOY! Could boarding school be far-off? ... just kidding - just.
Aunty: I know.
DD: Mumma has sooo many she can give you some if you want.
Aunty: Errr thanks.
DD: Mumma ! Give Aunty some pimples - you have so many on your face
Me: Shut up. (just kidding! I dont say shut up to DD..... I just bash her over the
head every now and then and throw her in the path of moving traffic)
DD's preschool this year has insisted that mums not come into the class with kids - but we have not been adhering to this rule strictly due to the Screaming of the Screamness that is the Screaming from the little-uns, erm did I mention the screaming? Last week the teacher - Mrs V - had enough and with a look she reserves for the most recalcitrant 3 year olds firmly ushered all the mums out of the classroom and locked the door. Good God the pandemonium ! bodies being flung forcibly against the locked door in a bid to escape one way or the other, screaming, yelling, pounding and vomiting (yes vomit provided courtesy of DD) which Mrs V. caught in her hand - good catch Mrs. V.
After about 15 minutes things quietened down and 1 1/2 hours later the kids trooped out smiling assuring their mums they loved school ! Its as if she put a spell on them - YAY Mrs. V. - Mrs V. looked like she'd been dragged through quicksand backwards and in need of a stiff drink though. Am sure the whole drama will start again this Sat. but at least we're making inroads people. Never mind the fact that all the mums sat huddled together and we practically had nervous breakdowns trying to figure who's screams belonged to which child.
But DD has told the whole world that she "went to school by my own-self" and is soo proud of her achivement. I am just relieved that she is now ready to grow beyond being a growth-on-my-body and cut the umbilical cord that makes her want to jump back in my tummy if she could and hopefully be ready for proper everyday preschool. We'll probably send her in June - get rid of the little monster for 4 hours a day - JOY! Could boarding school be far-off? ... just kidding - just.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Malborough Man
"She didnt want the type of boy who looked like he enjoyed having tea with the aunties, she wanted the Malborough Man with a Phd." This line from a book I'm reading (Inheritence of Loss - Kiran Desai) made me laugh out loud - only because this is exactly what I thought ages 16-27. From the grand vantage point of 36 (omigod -am practically an Old Aged Pensioner) I say this to all the girlies thinking along the similar vein -- its the boy who doesnt mind having tea with one damn aunty after another and the occasional mother-in-law thrown in and who can endure such torture with a general bonhomie who's going to make the better husband. The Malborough man wont be caught dead fielding your inane relatives' endless drivel...PhD or no PhD.
What Malborough Men With PhD's Wont Do:-
1. They will NOT smile encouragingly while aunties ask them whether they know so-and-so because so-and-so comes from the same state in India as them - along with a million other people.
2. They will NOT pleasantly change the subject when mad aunties demand to know how much they earn - nett.
3. They will NOT nod understandingly while aunties rattle off a litany of woes/maladies/aches and pains afflicting them.
4. They will NOT brush aside with good humour any assertions that the university they graduated from is nothing compared to Mrs XYZ's son who went to a far better university.
5. They will NOT stoically accept aunties descending upon your home at any given time and making plans to stay for the weekend and then demanding they be chauffered to all their old sick friends' houses within the 100km radius of your house.
For these fundamental reasons the boy who likes having tea with your aunties is the better bet in the long run - coz believe me there's no getting away from them aunties! Give the Malborough Man with the PhD a wide berth - its only going to end in tears.
What Malborough Men With PhD's Wont Do:-
1. They will NOT smile encouragingly while aunties ask them whether they know so-and-so because so-and-so comes from the same state in India as them - along with a million other people.
2. They will NOT pleasantly change the subject when mad aunties demand to know how much they earn - nett.
3. They will NOT nod understandingly while aunties rattle off a litany of woes/maladies/aches and pains afflicting them.
4. They will NOT brush aside with good humour any assertions that the university they graduated from is nothing compared to Mrs XYZ's son who went to a far better university.
5. They will NOT stoically accept aunties descending upon your home at any given time and making plans to stay for the weekend and then demanding they be chauffered to all their old sick friends' houses within the 100km radius of your house.
For these fundamental reasons the boy who likes having tea with your aunties is the better bet in the long run - coz believe me there's no getting away from them aunties! Give the Malborough Man with the PhD a wide berth - its only going to end in tears.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Old -Shmold
Loved Cate Blanchett's dress at the Oscars - so right now innit. Tried to stay up and watch the whole show but frankly only the red carpet bit was worth it. Jennifer Hudson needs to take her badself down to her local Target and get a proper bra-fitting done - boob windmills are not a good look. And Ellen Degeneres is poor subsitute for my other husband ie in my parallel universe Jon Stewart...come back Jon- hearts are a pining.
Dont we love going to reunions to catch up with old friends and see how our mates have aged - only to find its as if we never left high school/uni etc. Was at my university alumni annual dinner a couple of days ago and its amazing how well everyone has aged...to tell the truth we are all looking younger now than we did 16 yrs ago when we first met as straggly haired, buck toothed teens dressed in what can only be politely termed dumpster fashion. And in the words of one friend whom I said this looking-younger-now thing too "Ohmygod I must have looked crap back then" - erm ok moving swiftly along. But really despite kids - 5 in some cases - (I hate you Shila), time and life in general - we've still got IT...and IT just got better ! well done notts. alumnus, we scrub up well dont we? More than the aesthetics - keep up the young at heart spirits - so encouraging to see we all find the same lame jokes bloody hilarious....still.
DD has decided that having five toes on each leg is just an extravagance and has asked me why she needs her little toe as Piglet and Pooh bear dont have little toes. I'm sorry but I just officially ran out of "reasons for little toes" - so I did what every self respecting mother with an unnaturally (read ridiculously) curious child does, I said "Dont be silly, be quiet and go to sleep".
Dont we love going to reunions to catch up with old friends and see how our mates have aged - only to find its as if we never left high school/uni etc. Was at my university alumni annual dinner a couple of days ago and its amazing how well everyone has aged...to tell the truth we are all looking younger now than we did 16 yrs ago when we first met as straggly haired, buck toothed teens dressed in what can only be politely termed dumpster fashion. And in the words of one friend whom I said this looking-younger-now thing too "Ohmygod I must have looked crap back then" - erm ok moving swiftly along. But really despite kids - 5 in some cases - (I hate you Shila), time and life in general - we've still got IT...and IT just got better ! well done notts. alumnus, we scrub up well dont we? More than the aesthetics - keep up the young at heart spirits - so encouraging to see we all find the same lame jokes bloody hilarious....still.
DD has decided that having five toes on each leg is just an extravagance and has asked me why she needs her little toe as Piglet and Pooh bear dont have little toes. I'm sorry but I just officially ran out of "reasons for little toes" - so I did what every self respecting mother with an unnaturally (read ridiculously) curious child does, I said "Dont be silly, be quiet and go to sleep".
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