Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Info Tech And Other Oxymorons

So I've been trained on everything from risk management to financial project management to how to make a cappucino with the office cappucino machine - tho' I probably need to do a revision tutorial on the cappucino thing as I think I've blown the froth creator pipe (it made the most unusual sound much like a constipated elephant as I finished with it). I'm trained to the max - so much information at my workplace - every slideshow leads to another slideshow and there seems to be no end to it - I'm even scared to click on anything now as it opens up a huge new can of worms. The knowledge managers here sure are doing their work. Every question you have is referred to some portal which has the material for you to read - no "human" actually answers your questions - you either find it in the appropriate portal or the eSupport system or the helpdesk. Woe betide you if you still want to ask a human - they do not exist here - get over it-move on.

So tech is the mantra by which my company lives by - which again brings me back to the irony of my life. I have at every stage in my life resisted tech - I dont like it, I dont trust it yet I end up specializing in information tech law and now working in the mothership for tech based working conditions where everything is on my laptop or burned on a cd (not in my brain sadly) - hard copies are not encouraged even faxes are scanned by reception and sent to you via email. I WANT SOME PAPER PEOPLE!!!!

General point though with all this info available at the click of a tikus-are the info tech generation better informed? No bloody chance - if anything they are the most uninformed bunch of philistines - correction - tech savvy uninformed philistines. They have access to all this information but they have the attention spans of gnats and even before they finish reading one paragraph they are itching to click on another link - why? - because they can. We need to regroup and refocus - is it the mode that is important or the substance - a generation from now the question will be "what substance?" - "why is substance relevant? look at the canggih way we can access the info with version 100.2 and this new tool - surely that is the point" - errrr wrong that is not the point.

You can have the most amazing tools that turn water into wine but if your main aim isnt accessing the actual information then we have completely lost the plot. Every time I see people still in bookshops and buying books I feel exhilarated. The battle is not lost, books still have their place- information still gets tranmitted without "technology", there is hope !

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Work Wallahs

So here's what I've discovered about the difference between working for a local entity and a multi national type organization - bloody a lot thats what. The international set up is soooo systems orientated and even if you want to sneeze you have to fill in some on-line request and have it circulated worldwide for approval prior to to said sneeze. Whereas at the local shindig you can pretty much sign off on multi-million dollar deals with your own pathetic little know-how and say-so and everyone will accept it. So its a learning curve for sure - am hoping it'll soon be second nature for me.

On the upside its all very organised and you've got orientations, buddy systems and mentor systems and hand-holding and how to use everything from the coffee machine to your lap top but you're expected to digest it all on the first go - and CONCENTRATE or else - they're not repeating themselves. Whereas at most local outfits you can be still prancing around 3 years later claiming you dont know how to use the photocopying machine and some poor clerk will do it for you with a smile.

Further its all work talk only at these multinationals - all very earnest people walking about looking very clever and they dont bother with you or to ask if you're new - its heads down and beavering away and talking exclusively about work work work. So no conversations about Brad and Angie's kids or Tom Cruise's control over Katie here then. They'd probably faint if I asked them if they know whether Julia Roberts has delivered yet.

On the other hand they are very helpful in terms of work - and its a real team effort - no hogging knowledge just to look good in front of the boss. No politics and sucking up to boss etc. - its all work - if you know what you're doing you're fine - if you dont you'd better find out or else you're out - no matter how much you lick the boss. Local companies? - you know the score - the bigger a licker you are the better your chances of promotion.

There's this really cool quote on the one of the walls at my new place of work "The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common" - Thoreau. This is why children are so wise - common things to them are amazing and therein lies their genius and by looking at the world through their eyes we can perhaps also get a little bit of that wisdom.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Weddings

"I love people with flaws. I feel comfortable around them. I myself am made up completely of flaws stitched together with good intentions" - A. Burroughs. I love this quote - and I think that makes the difference between a halfway decent person and one who is a pain in the backside..coz the pain the backside people think they dont have a smidgen of a flaw in them and are constantly pointing out flaws in others - as if we didnt already know we have flaws. Me flawed, him flawed, her flawed, YOU flawed - get over it.

So Aish and Abhi finally did it eh? But they both look as if they sucked on an assam in the wedding photos - why so sad? A little smile wouldnt be out of place surely on what is supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. Indian brides are often told to look demure and not show off their molars at their wedding ceremony - but Aish seriously looked like someone was holding a gun to her head and Abhishek looked like his undies were on too tight. Dad-in-law appeared to be more into it than the bride and groom - who can blame him - he gets to look at the Worlds Most Beautiful Woman 24/7 from now on - old bugger is probably wishing he could have married her himself.

What is even more hootworthy is good ole Arun Nayar's dad disowning him and his bro for not letting the ole man do a drunken bhangra at the Liz-Arun wedding of the year and also suing em for not keeping in line with Hindu traditions etc. at the ceremony. Please lah - the fact that Liz and Arun have been living together for the past 4 years pretty much precludes the hindu law applying to anything anyway - let alone the minor transgressions claimed to have been perpetrated by them at their wedding ceremony. The old man is just pissed off that he wasnt given "face" at the wedding - and nothing could be more Indian than that. Liz has been introduced to the most time-honoured tradition amongst Indians - "face" and the saving thereof is the be all and the end all amongst Indians.

A friend of mine's wedding ended in her not speaking to her aunt for 10 years due to face saving mishaps - unintentional it turned out but who bothers to analyse when emotions are running high and out of control. Another friend apparently did not invite a distant relatives brother-in-law thus earning her a tongue lashing from the relative - whom she didnt even know anyway. My wedding had its share of dramas in the lead up but happily the actual festivities passed without incident...or at least if there were incidents I never heard about it - which is all that matters anyway right?

Weddings are lovely arent they - they bring out the worst in even the best of people. Wonder what will happen when DD decides to marry - though DH and I are steeling ourselves for the "Folks meet my partner we are going to be living together" - "Wedding? What wedding?" type conversation. Which may be a good thing anyway - save me from having to argue with members of my extended family. Wedding? What Wedding? My daughter is living in sin - muahahahahaHA.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Pet Cemetary

We got a fish for DD a couple of months ago -she named it Stingo (she pronounces it StinGO) but DH (predictably) suggested Nemo - so Nemo stuck. Nemo's still alive despite DD's non-commital feeding methods and loud knocking on the side of the bowl yelling "NEMO NEMO ITS ME DD - WAKE UP NEMO", Nemo's probably quietly gone potty and is in need of psychiatric care about now - but we'll never know coz he just keeps swimming round and round the damn bowl.

This is all part of DH's efforts to build up a pet repertoire to the ultimate parasite organism - a DOG ! The man will stop at nothing to get a canine in our house, my only saving grace at the moment is that we live in a condo and pets are banned.Before I go any further if you are a dog lover then offend not thy precious sensibilites and stop reading this post now. I dont have anything against DOGS! - I mean I love the Kleenex puppy as much as the next person - but an actual DOG! in our house? salivating, shedding, licking, exuding dog-fumes - I mean give me a break we already have a kid what do we need a DOG! for? I know there's a common understanding that a person who doesnt like DOGS! is not to be trusted, but trust me I'm perfectly normal and quite likeable and I dont like DOGS! - so sue me.
DH has got the little toe-rag on board as well on this and both of them are bleating away at me for a DOG! DOG! DOG!, DH even claiming the condo authorities (ie the sikh guard uncle and the malay grandpa guard) wont know we have a DOG! coz DD makes so much noise no one would hear a barking DOG!. Lets face it, I am not getting a DOG! so we need to put the gin bottle down and be practical. Further since I gave DH a child and have the scars to prove it - I think my word counts on this - NO DOG! ........wonder how much longer I can ride on those c-section scars.

DD has decided to turn into a tell-tale tit this week - is it developmental? or just another annoying inherent characteristic of my beloved offspring? She spends her time scampering from one person to the other telling on each of us with a sanctimonious tone and a holier than thou' expression. I told her not to tell tales and that nobody likes a tell-tale she looked at me and said " I dont like nobody - I want to beat nobody". There's that then.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Ode to Friends

The thing with friends is that they are reflections of ourselves arent they? At every point in my life my friends have been the icing on the cake, the sambal on the nasi, the gulab in the gulab jamun - I cant imagine how depressing life would be without them.

I dont mean the passing acquaintances whom you just say hi to and to whom you wouldnt dream of confiding the colour of your underwear to....(not that I often update my friends as to the state and colour of my undergarments - ok so maybe sometimes I do but not often) I mean those true blue die-hard friends who see you through all the crap - including your crap and are still there for you even if they sometimes want to slap you around the head for the level of crap you emanate....those are the friends I'm talking about.

I have a handful of these friends...they are all different but share one trait - they are absolutely the best, funniest, genuine people you'd have the privilege of knowing. We often never thank people who we appreciate until its too late or worse we tell X how great Y is never thinking to tell Y to her face. I'd always thought this was daft... so I intend to redress this - in writing - so you guys (and you'll know who you are by the initials) here goes.

PK you have the best smile and the biggest heart - you make me want to be a better person. The image of you explaining how to take blokes to another level in terms of a certain something over my office desk will always remain etched/seared in my brain. Your willingness to talk about anything and everything while adding your dose of common sense has been invaluable. You bring out the best in me and I trust you implicitly.

SY you are my twin of course - sadly for you. Your humour kills me - as does my own when I'm with you. You have shown me that nothing bad can get to you as long as you have a friend who empathises with you and is willing to slay the dragons for you. I admire your strength, determination and sheer bloody unwillingness to take no for an answer. You inspire me and the best compliment I can pay you is I hope your goddaughter turns out exactly like you.

SN you have overcome all obstacles in your path with such stoicism and guts and I couldnt be happier for how great your life is right now. You understand me implicitly and I'll never forget your practical ceylonese good sense during the times I needed it. Your loyalty is unparalleled and when you say "I'll be there for you" you truly mean it - you've never let me down.

SK you are always going to be the older sister I never had. You are the most non-judgemental person I know and the most patient - I'm often reminded how lacking I am in both departments when I'm with you. You have taught me so much - including how to colour code undies and keep shoes in felt bags (invaluable trust me) amongst other things. Your children are a true reflection of you and what great little people they are.

GY your generosity of spirit and willingness to help has always been appreciated. I take back what I said about you not being suited for motherhood -no one could be better suited to being a mother than you - you are a nurturer in the best possible sense of the word.

Superwomanwannabe when you and I get together and ham it up no bogeyman can get us. You are a living example of how not to take life too seriously - I am in awe of your good nature. We have chatted/hooted our way through uni, marriage, kids - I cant wait to hoot our way thru the rest of this crazy journey - thanks for the laughs.

An astrologer once told me my wealth lies in my friends - and thats about the only thing he said that was spot on correct.

Thanks ladies - be blessed.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Actually - Love Lah

If you had to explain to someone what love is - what would you say?

Prior to getting hitched I used to think that love meant being on the same wavelength, good-looks, sex appeal, understanding, humour, good-looks, sex appeal - oh wait did I already mention good looks, sex appeal....

After 5 years of marriage this is what I've discovered love is.


LOVE IS knowing how to fix the leaking toilet with tools when the bathroom starts to resemble a smelly swimming pool with suspect bits floating around.

LOVE IS having a tool box and knowing how to use it when wife is running around the house like a headless chicken and yelling that the house is falling down.

LOVE IS being able to mix different paints to get the exact same colour your wife saw of a picture of a girl's bedroom in some obscure mat salleh magazine and wants it in her girl's bedroom at home - exactly.

LOVE IS the willingness to queue up and submit your wife's extremely late EA form and endure the snide "eh eh dah sebulan lambat lah bang" from the makcik officer at the income tax department.

LOVE IS the knowledge that wife is probably going to turn out like her mum and being brave enough not to run away screaming.

LOVE IS rescuing yet another plant wife is about to kill with her green thumb and agreeing to buy plants at all given the plant murderer that wife is.

LOVE IS staying calm no matter what hysterical crap your wife throws at you even if she's insisting her hysterical crap is absolutely A1 correct.

LOVE IS making sure the car is checked, cleaned, filled up, tuned, rubbed down, hugged etc. when all your wife knows how to do is "get in the car and drive".

LOVE IS going the extra mile so that wife does not have to - coz wife is hysterical loon as mentioned earlier and needs life kept to manageable sizes otherwise she self combusts.

LOVE IS treating wife's relatives with kindness and warmth even when wife wants to fling sharp objects at wife's relatives.

LOVE IS always making wife see the big picture, take the high road, not to be petty and reminding her to make like Jesus and turn the other cheek - wife needs constant reminding.

LOVE IS - YOU sayang. Thanks for staying the course.

Pimple Fairy

DD: Aunty you dont have any pimples at all on your face.
Aunty: I know.
DD: Mumma has sooo many she can give you some if you want.
Aunty: Errr thanks.
DD: Mumma ! Give Aunty some pimples - you have so many on your face
Me: Shut up. (just kidding! I dont say shut up to DD..... I just bash her over the
head every now and then and throw her in the path of moving traffic)

DD's preschool this year has insisted that mums not come into the class with kids - but we have not been adhering to this rule strictly due to the Screaming of the Screamness that is the Screaming from the little-uns, erm did I mention the screaming? Last week the teacher - Mrs V - had enough and with a look she reserves for the most recalcitrant 3 year olds firmly ushered all the mums out of the classroom and locked the door. Good God the pandemonium ! bodies being flung forcibly against the locked door in a bid to escape one way or the other, screaming, yelling, pounding and vomiting (yes vomit provided courtesy of DD) which Mrs V. caught in her hand - good catch Mrs. V.

After about 15 minutes things quietened down and 1 1/2 hours later the kids trooped out smiling assuring their mums they loved school ! Its as if she put a spell on them - YAY Mrs. V. - Mrs V. looked like she'd been dragged through quicksand backwards and in need of a stiff drink though. Am sure the whole drama will start again this Sat. but at least we're making inroads people. Never mind the fact that all the mums sat huddled together and we practically had nervous breakdowns trying to figure who's screams belonged to which child.

But DD has told the whole world that she "went to school by my own-self" and is soo proud of her achivement. I am just relieved that she is now ready to grow beyond being a growth-on-my-body and cut the umbilical cord that makes her want to jump back in my tummy if she could and hopefully be ready for proper everyday preschool. We'll probably send her in June - get rid of the little monster for 4 hours a day - JOY! Could boarding school be far-off? ... just kidding - just.