Mum

My mum was the most influential person in my life, every aspect of my life was somehow influenced by mum either in accordance with her wishes or as a direct reaction against what she wanted. Everything I do, say or think is somehow related to mum and my benchmark is still "what will mum say" or "bugger! mum's gonna kill me".

Mum was a strong, feisty, temperamental, beautiful, dramatic and exciting woman. She believed in doing her best, looking her best and being the best and was continually up our backsides to do the same thing. She never accepted mediocre and always wanted to be different from the norm. She lived each day to the fullest and was constantly on the go, she believed in using every moment of the day to the max - and couldnt stand to see anyone relaxing or as she put it "whiling away god given minutes". Her temper was legendary and could strike fear in even the strongest soul - but her temper always blew over and she'd be trying to make it up to the person she yelled at by cooking for them or caring for them in some practical way.

She was a teacher for 30 years and taught in boys' schools for the most part. A lasting memory I have is of her chasing a boy around the table with her slipper and then meeting up with the same boy many years later in a restaurant. The boy is now a successful lawyer and he leapt up to greet her (of course she didnt remember him) but he mentioned the slipper incident and mum said "ah yes you were a devil, good thing I whacked you - see how well you've turned out". The ex-student meekly said "yes teacher".

She would buy breakfast for the poorer boys who came in from the estates in Port Klang too early in morning to have breakfast as she said they couldnt concentrate in her class on an empty stomach. She would buy lice medicine for those with lice and make them use it and check that they wore underpants and socks. I recall going with her to Petaling Street to buy boxes of socks and underpants for her students. Mum wasnt one for "I Love You's" but her actions spoke louder than words.

She was incredibly witty and the hours she and I used to sit at the kitchen table hooting about stuff will always be the lasting memory I have of her. She had a sense of the ridiculous and was a bit of an actress - and she used to mimic people we knew to a tee. Her expressions and turn of phrase were matchless.There was never a dull moment with mum and having her as a mum was a bit like living with a tornado. The problem with living with a tornado is that once it passes you are left with an unnatural quiet which you cant quite get used to.

Mum passed away recently from cancer - a disease that ravaged her. It left her with precious little dignity and robbed her of her greatest love - being in motion and doing things for herself. It took away her looks and her sense of humour, but she never lost her commanding presence. Even in hospital in her last days she was getting me to buy currypuffs and vadais for the nurses as she felt they were too thin. She was always lecturing them on their English and spouting out on ways in which they could better themselves. The sheer force of her will would make the doctors and nurses take direction from her rather than the other way round. She was the driving force in our family - almost like the engine for the vehicle that was our family. We are hard pressed to know how to find our way in the coming weeks, months and years, yet we must and we must do it well as mum would have wanted us to go from strength to strength rather than break down.

I take solace in the fact that her voice is so deeply etched in my mind that she will always still be our reference point. She wanted red roses and white roses at her funeral and she said we should make it a short service and "dont all of you sweat over me and wail like some bad Tamil movie - I wont have it" and "You'd all better dress well and put a smile on your faces- there's no need to look like someone has died". And that was Mum in essence, it was always about pulling yourself together and soldiering on. "Who told you life was easy, get over it and make the best of things, and stop looking like a drowned rat" was one of her favourite phrases.

Mum I love you and I will miss you till the day I die. You are so much a part of me I cant say goodbye. Rest in peace my dearest dramatic, delightful mother until we meet again.